The Secret to Unproductiveness

Want to know what the secret is? A night out on the town. Ask me what I've done on this sunny Sunday and my answer would be, "A whole lot of nothing." I have last night to thank for my worthlessness today =P. I spent my evening (and early morning) in downtown Indy with one of my best friends and former roommate, Kelsey. It was a much needed night out and a really great time. I got to spend a little time with her parents today, too, who came down to see Kels. It was so good to see them, NOT because I got a free lunch =), but because their energy is just always the best. When we went to Wal Mart after lunch I couldn't help but think about how similar my mom and Sue are/were when it comes to shopping for us (Kels and I)...always making sure we have everything we need and more. I can't help but think about my mom when she offers me home-cooked meals whenever I'm home, too. Shopping, cooking, always offering, loving and caring with open arms...that's Sue. And that was my mom in a nutshell. I found myself in tears the entire drive back to Muncie earlier today jealous of my friend who still has her amazing mom and angry that God took mine. I know that everyone says that everything happens for a reason, but the reason for my mom struggling for over two months just to die anyways is still unbeknownst to me. Everyone keeps saying it was to bring my family closer and to show me how amazing everyone in it is, but I've known how amazing my family is...that's old news. This might sound horrible to say, but of all the people on this earth, all the scumbag, worthless people that God could have chosen to take, he chose my mom...one of the most amazing people to walk this earth. And I think that's pretty much the most unfair thing. It's unfair to everyone who loved her and everyone who still needs her. I need my mom, but I don't have her anymore. Where am I supposed to go from here? Well, I don't really know "where" I'm supposed to go, but things couldn't possibly get any worse, so it's only up from here...right? As I ask that question, though rhetorical, I can't help but think of all the advice everyone has been throwing at me for the past few months, and especially the past couple weeks. As something that's supposed to be helpful and encouraging, I find it to be a little overwhelming and not all that helpful. I'm not sure if advice just comes out because no one actually knows what to say at all, and I know that everyone means well (don't get me wrong, I'm extremely thankful for the gesture), but it's not something I'm looking for. I AM, however, looking for support. When in doubt, don't say anything at all...a hug "says" more than most words can and means more (personally) than any advice =)